At Heimer Law, we cherish the moment when people who have been waiting and hoping and working their way through the process of adoption finally become parents. That moment when your newly adopted baby comes home with you is a sweet celebration, certainly one of the most special moments of an adoptive parent’s life. You might have spent months or even years on the adoption journey, and you are about to spend years growing together with your new son or daughter.

Once you get safely home and have a few minutes to decompress, consider doing one more thing.

Write a letter to the birth mother.

Time to say thank you

Your child’s birth mother made a difficult and loving decisions when she decided to help you grow your family through adoption. She put her child’s needs ahead of her own and gave that child the opportunity to have a better life. She made the right choice, a loving choice, and because of that you also have the opportunity for a better life.
A heartfelt thank you letter to a birth mother can be a beautiful way to express gratitude for the gift of life and family.

But it can also be difficult to come up with the right words. Here are some things you might choose to say:

  • Start by thanking the birth mother for her selfless decision. Acknowledge the sacrifice she made and the love it took to choose adoption.
  • Mention how much your family loves and cherishes the child.
  • Reassure the birth mother of your commitment to providing a loving and secure home for the child.
  • If the adoption is open, you can express your openness to continued communication, following the boundaries established in the adoption plan.
  • End the letter with a warm closing, such as, “With love and gratitude,” or “Thinking of you always.”

For the child

As your child grows older, he or she might want to write a letter to the birth mother, too. This can be a good project when a child has expressed curiosity about the birth family. Here are some ideas to get that letter started:

  • If the child is young, you can start with a simple introduction. For older children, you might want to mention how long they’ve known about the adoption and their desire to express gratitude.
  • Express thanks for the birth mother’s decision to give them life. You can mention how much you love your adoptive family but acknowledge the importance of their birth mother.
  • If the child is comfortable, they can ask a question about their birth mother or express a desire to learn more about their heritage in the future, depending on the openness of the adoption.
  • Reassure the birth mother that they are loved and cherished by their adoptive family.
  • End with a heartfelt closing, such as “Thank you for thinking of me,” or “With love from your child.”

Whatever you or your child choose to say, a letter can be a wonderful experience for the writer and the recipient.