Adoption can be a lengthy process, and it can be an emotional roller coaster. Feelings of hope, excitement, and love combine with fear and trepidation, uncertainty and even discouragement. There’s plenty of paperwork and preparation to do and there can be lots of hurdles and delays along the way. Heimer Law makes the process as smooth and streamlined as possible, but there can still be stressful moments. We have some suggestions for coping with stress during this special time in your life.
Take care of yourself
When you’re busy and coping with stress — and those two things often go together — it’s easy to put off basic self-care. But eating right, getting enough sleep, and taking time for regular exercise will help you stay calm and well.
The flight-or-flight response of an adrenaline rush is just what you need if you’re suddenly confronted with a stressful moment. You get the focus and energy boost you need to deal with an immediate crisis, and you can recover later. But when stress continues, perhaps because you’re waiting for the next step of the adoption process or because you’re having to fit extra tasks and expenses into your life for months on end, you can end up with chronic stress. The hormones that are intended to provide that brief jolt of extra energy end up causing anxiety instead.
Ongoing healthy habits give you the physical and mental resilience you need to handle chronic stress:
- Sleep 7-9 hours each night. Easier said than done? Try to stick to a regular time to go to bed and to get up. Wind down before bed. Avoid caffeine in the late afternoon and evening, and don’t eat within two hours of bedtime.
- Eat lean protein, whole grains, fruits and vegetables, and nuts and seeds. Avoid too much salt, sugar, and highly processed foods.
- Try to get 150 minutes of moderate exercise each week. Enjoy a walk, swim, or bike ride outdoors to get some fresh air and sunshine.
Prioritize these things even when you feel overwhelmed, and you will surprise yourself by feeling less overwhelmed.
Use healthy stress management
Sometimes we respond to stress by overeating, turning to alcohol or recreational drugs, or lashing out at people in our lives. These stress responses end up making us feel worse. Instead, try some of these relaxation techniques for coping with stress:
- Try yoga, tai chi, or dance to help you feel calm.
- Check out meditation apps.
- Practice deep breathing.
- Spend time with other people.
- Watch a funny movie.
- Take up a hobby. Knitting, whittling, painting, or playing a musical instrument can take you out of yourself and help you relax.
It can also be helpful to recognize negative thoughts that come along. It’s common during the adoption journey to think, “We’ll never be able to adopt a child” or “This process is just too complicated.” When you have negative thoughts, you might want to push them down and ignore them — or to wallow in them. Instead, challenge them with alternatives like, “Hundreds of parents grow their families through adoption every year” or “We’ll get through this process and then we’ll have our entire lives to enjoy our family.”
Celebrate each milestone and try not to focus more on the past or future than on the present moment.
Get help when you need it
Heimer Law supports adoptive parents and birth parents through the entire adoption journey. We help facilitate counseling when it’s needed and can put you in touch with supportive resources.
Many people also find that their families, church families, or community are ready and able to help with emotional support and practical assistance. Be open to receiving help from the people around you.
Knowledge is power. The more you know about the adoption process, the better equipped you’ll be to handle challenges. Maintain regular communication with your adoption attorney. In later years, you will look back on this experience and remember the best parts — enjoy them now!
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