The majority of adoptive families at Heimer Law choose to adopt newborns, but that is not the only option. Older children in the foster system may yearn for a forever family. You may know or even be related to an older child who needs a home. You may even want to grow your family without going through the infant and toddler stages. Adopting an older child can be incredibly rewarding, but it also presents unique challenges.
Understanding the child’s background
Older children may have experienced trauma, which can manifest in various ways. Be prepared to offer patience, understanding, and professional support.
Your new son or daughter will take some time to settle in. Depending on their prior experiences, they may have been through joining new families before, with a variety of outcomes. Building trust can take time. Be patient and consistent in your love and support.
Some children may have gaps in their education. A new school can be challenging and even nerve-wracking for any child. Combined with a new family, the new systems of the school can be stressful and can take time to navigate. In fact, if your first child is already of school age, you may find that the new school is stressful for you, too. Schools expect new kindergarten parents to be uncertain about the rules and systems at school but may expect the parents of older kids to be old hands. Be ready to provide extra support or tutoring.
Preparing your family
A newborn won’t notice family dynamics or have trouble fitting in. An older child may feel uncertain or shy, and your family members may not be sure how to welcome your new son or daughter. Discuss adoption openly with your family to manage expectations and address concerns.
Be prepared to adapt your routines and plans to accommodate a new family member. Whether you adopt an infant or a teen, whether you have biological children or adopt, your kids have to be a top priority. There will always be inconveniences and new demands on any parents. Your new older child may sleep through the night right away, but parenthood will still mean big changes in your life. Of course you know this, but be prepared to be surprised by the extent of the changes, as well as by the depth of your love for your new son or daughter.
Building a strong support network, including other adoptive families, can be invaluable. Heimner Law can introduce you to resources that will help.
The adoption process
The legal aspects of adopting an older child can be different from adopting a newborn. An older child may need to consent to the adoption. There might be a need for termination of parental rights. Heimer Law has the experience and the expertise to make the process smoother for you.
Be prepared for a thorough assessment to ensure a good match between you and the child. The home study may be somewhat different, depending on the age of your adoptive child. You won’t need to wait for the child to be born when you’re adopting an older child, but it may still take time to find a child for your family or to work out the details for a private adoption. If you already know the child, it may be frustrating to go through the entire process — but it is essential to cross all the Ts and dot all the Is for your own wellbeing as well as the child’s best interests.
Every child is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to adoption. Building a strong, loving family with an older child is possible with patience, understanding, and support. Reach out to Heimer Law to begin the conversation.
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