Whether you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby our looking for a child to complete your family through adoption, you have probably heard a lot about giving up. “Are you giving up your baby for adoption?” people ask, or “Are you giving up on having your own child?” While we know that people who say these things do not mean to cause pain, the idea that adoption means giving up something precious can be hurtful to people going through the adoption process. And in truth, adoption is not giving up.
Giving up a baby for adoption
If an unplanned pregnancy leads to the brave and loving choice of adoption, that is a decision in the best interests of the child, not a question of giving up. Here are some kinder and more accurate ways to talk about this choice:
- Choosing adoption
- Selecting an adoptive family
- Making an adoption plan
- Deciding on adoption
- Providing a child with an adoptive family
Sometimes well-meaning people unintentionally use hurtful phrases that have become a common part of our language. Sometimes other people have emotional reactions to your decision and use such language as part of their own way of dealing with their feelings. Either way, responding to “Are you giving up your baby for adoption?” with “I’m making a loving choice for my child’s future” or “I’m making an adoption plan” can clarify the situation without leading to hard feelings.
Giving up on having your own child
Infertility is certainly one reason people choose to adopt a child, but it is by no means the only one. People decide to adopt for many different reasons, and they may not have considered taking a biological route to a family. Here are some better ways to talk about this choice:
- Choosing adoption
- Welcoming an adopted child
- Growing our family through adoption
- Creating a family through adoption
- Completing our family through adoption
These ways of talking about the exciting decision to adopt a child show the joy of building a family while respecting the adoptive parents’ privacy and personal choices. Responding to, “Are you giving up on having your own child?” with “We’re looking forward to welcoming an adopted child into our family” or “We’re excited about growing our family” can help others adjust their thinking while also supporting your own empowering choices.
At Heimer Law, we love adoption and support all the people involved in adoption journeys. Contact us for a free initial consultation.
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