A young woman finds out she is pregnant. She has not planned to start a family; rather, she knows that raising a child will throw many of her own plans out the window. She speaks to an agency or an attorney to get a basic understanding of what the adoption process looks like, but is not given an adequate explanation of the consequences of signing the consent form and relinquishing her rights. The adoption process becomes difficult. In fact, she is treated well and valued only until the adoptive parents take the baby. The birth mother often becomes an afterthought at this point, and is left feeling abandoned, confused and without any help or resources to turn to. This is wrong, but it’s not unheard of in the adoption industry.
Adoption can be the most wonderful expression of love. Unfortunately, it can be handled poorly, even unethically. As a firm that loves adoption and works in the adoption field, we believe that it is important to recognize when an adoption is not being handled as it should. We are also committed to handling all the adoptions we work on with the utmost care and integrity.
In fact, we sometimes cringe when we hear the phrase “the adoption industry.” But we have to admit that there are individuals, from unlicensed adoption brokers to lucrative adoption matching services to adoption advertising agencies, that approach adoption with a profit motive in mind. And experts estimate the market for these services at $25 billion this year. That can be a temptation to bad actors. Birth moms can end up feeling like commodities.
Adoption is not always easy
There is a sacred and biological bond between a birth mother and her child that will be hard to put aside when she leaves the child with the adoptive parents. The difficulty of giving the child up for adoption does not mean it is not the right choice. It does mean the birth mother should be counseled on the hardships as well as the joys of adoption.
Further, the wellbeing of the birth mother should be at the core of both the agency and attorney’s pursuits, as well as that of the adopting family. An adoption without genuine care, flowing from the agency and attorney to the birth mother and adoptive parents, lacks the feel-good flavor that adoption should always have. Genuine care does not immediately end when a baby is born. It certainly never involves coercement.
At Heimer Law, we advocate for adoption. We also keep an eye out for everyone involved in the process. Adoption is amazing! Let’s keep it that way.