The adoption process can be lengthy. In movies, it may take weeks, but in real life, it’s wise to plan to spend your first few months getting ready. That means thinking about whether you want an open adoption, deciding on any special requests for the child you will adopt, putting together your portfolio or profile, getting ready for your Home Study — and building your adoption support system.
Start with your adoption professional
You will certainly need an adoption attorney and/or an adoption agency, depending upon the type of adoption you plan. This is a good starting point, because your adoption professionals will be able to answer initial questions and help you through all the stages of the adoption journey. Once you have a strong start and accurate information, you’ll be better prepared for the rest of the process of building your adoption support system.
Turn to family and friends
It would be great if every member of your family and all your friends would be on board and knowledgeable about adoption from the start. In real life, some people will be supportive immediately, often because of their own experiences with adoption or those of people they know. Others will be hesitant or even negative.
Fortunately, adoption takes time. You will have a chance to educate the people you love about adoption before they meet your new child. If there are people in your life who can’t support your decision, it’s okay to limit your time with them, but avoid overreacting to what may be unintentional insensitivity. Maybe family members have myths and stereotypes about adoption in their minds but will see the beauty of your choice once they have more information.
Let your family and friends know how they can help, whether you just hope to have a good listener sometimes or you really want advice about parenting or hand-me-down baby clothes. Often people want to help but don’t know what would be most useful.
Reach out to your community
Your pastor or other spiritual advisor, your doctor, your accountant, and other trusted advisors in your life may have useful input on your adoption journey. It will probably be good for them to know that you are undertaking a big change in your life so that they can adjust their expectations of their relationship with you, too.
People in your community may also be able to put you in touch with others who are going through the same experience or have already done so.
Find other adoptive parents
From local support groups to online forums, you will be able to connect with other people who share this wonderful experience. Your adoption professionals may offer gatherings, mentorships, or workshops for prospective adoptive parents. Social media groups often present lots of different points of view from people in different places.
Self care
Your hairdresser, housecleaner, or grocery delivery service might not be an obvious part of building your adoption support system, but the process of finding your new family member and finalizing the adoption can be fraught with challenges as well as excitement. Take the time to care for yourself, and your partner if you are adopting as a couple. Services that give you a little extra time for yourself can make a difference.
Justin Heimer is a member of the prestigious American Academy of Adoption Attorneys and he is also trained in family psychology with a Master of Arts in Counseling. Justin’s training as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Professional Counselor make him an excellent choice when you’r building your adoption support system. Call him at (479) 225.9725, or fill out our inquiry form and we’ll get back to you.
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