Adoption journeys take time, and the holidays may come around more than once. Holidays during your adoption journey can be just as joyful and just as fraught with stress as other holidays in your life, but there are some holiday decisions to consider at this stage.
Expectant parents and would-be adoptive parents
A birth mom considering adoption may have a mix of feelings during the holiday. Being surrounded by messages about happy families — or by your own family with a possible range of feeling about your decision to place your child with an adoptive family — can create uncertainty and stress. Talking with a supportive counselor can help you sort things out.
If you’re waiting for the opportunity to adopt, you can also face emotional responses to seasonal messages. You can also find yourself in conversations with friends and family members who may not understand your decision. If you’ve already been chosen by an expectant mom, the awareness that you may both be going through an emotional roller coaster for similar reasons can help you support one another.
This can also be a good time to think about your open adoption plan and how you will want to handle the holidays. Birth moms may not want contact with the child in future holidays, or they may become part of the adoptive family’s holiday celebrations. Any point along that continuum can be the perfect choice, and you may be better able to imagine how your particular choice will feel in future years if you think about this during that first holiday season along the path. Your feelings now can influence your holiday decisions for the future.
New adoptive families
If the birth mom is part of your new family, think about including her in your celebrations. This can range from honoring her in your family celebrations to inviting her over for a meal or gift exchange. Here are some traditions to consider:
- If you are not in contact with the birth mom, you can still honor her by talking about her and telling your child how thankful you are for her.
- Send a card and enclose a photo of the child.
- If the child is old enough, make or pick out a gift for the birth mom together.
- Find out about her holiday traditions and choose one to add to your own family rituals. If your child’s heritage is different from yours, this can be a nice way to honor that heritage. Take a photo of the child involved in the shared tradition and share with the birth mom.
These ideas may continue as your child grows, or you may add new ideas over time.
Birth mothers
If the adoptive family doesn’t suggest connections and you haven’t included holiday contact in your open adoption plan, you can reach out to them and see if they are open to a letter from you or to sending you a photo of the child.
Christmas may be a difficult time as it brings up emotions. You may want to develop a ritual of your own that allows you to remember the experience with a special song, a treat for yourself, or a conversation with a supportive friend.
The holidays can also be a time of special joy in the knowledge that you have brought joy to a family with your gift of life.
As you make decisions, whether as a birth mom or as an adoptive parent, you can count on support from Heimer Law. We specialize in adoptions.
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