Arkansas adoptions nearly always require home study: one or more visits by a social worker or other licensed professional to make sure that the prospective adoptive parents are ready and able to provide a safe, stable home for a child. Like many other steps in the adoption journey, this experience can bring up a lot of feelings. Understanding how an adoption home study feels can help you be mentally and emotionally prepared.
Our Adoption Home Study Checklist can help you be physically prepared. That will certainly make you feel better.
Nervous
It’s natural in a situation like this to worry that you might not be the kind of parent the social worker has in mind. People express worries about having cleaned their homes thoroughly enough, having a sufficiently upscale home, being in good enough health, having their dogs under good enough control… If you ever have uncertainties about being good enough in any way, this is the kind of experience that can bring them out.
Fortunately, people who have gone through the home study process usually say that their social worker put them at ease. They didn’t feel as nervous as they expected in most cases. If you do feel nervous, use that nervous energy to get through the checklist and feel prepared. A home study is not a pass-fail test, and preparation can reduce anxiety.
Vulnerable
Some people feel that the home study is an intrusion on their privacy. There are personal questions, gathering of information about your health and finances, an inspection of your home — this can be uncomfortable.
Other people may feel vulnerable about the need to talk about issues in their lives that might just be hard to talk about. Prior substance abuse, tough childhood experiences, painful health issues may all come up in the discussions. Whether because of vestiges of shame, triggering of strong emotions, or feeling pressure to present a perfect life to the social workers, these conversations can be difficult.
Remember that the social worker is on your side. Sure, he or she is also on the side of the child you will adopt, but you are all on the same side. The social worker is used to talking with people in your position and knows how to approach challenging questions. There may be temporary discomfort, but it probably won’t be as bad as you fear.
Reassured
Some would-be adoptive parents are glad that the adoption vetting process is so thorough. Some of the reactions we’ve heard:
- It helped us see where we were ready and where we needed to make some changes.
- We appreciated it. We feel like all parents would benefit from it.
- We felt validated.
- It felt good to be taken seriously as parents.
Frustrated
There’s a lot of paperwork and preparation involved. You have to spend time and money on health checkups, background checks, collecting financial documents and letters of recommendation, baby-proofing your house, and much more. Some people find the process frustrating and burdensome. There can be additional time spent waiting for responses or providing even more information.
Combine the actual complexity of getting ready with possible feelings of anxiety or exposure and the process may frustrate even people who are normally calm. This is a good time to use those relaxation techniques you’ve learned. If you haven’t learned any, ask your doctor for recommendations.
In the end, the rush of feelings will be temporary and support will help. Heimer Law has the credentials and experience to support you through the entire adoption journey.
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