If you’re expecting and considering adoption, you may know that Arkansas birth moms have the right to choose a family to adopt their babies. Once you begin to work with an adoption professional, you’ll have the opportunity to look at would-be adoptive families’ profiles and then to meet with them. But how soon can you meet with adoptive families? Should you wait until you’ve definitely decided on adoption of your child?
A firm decision
Under Arkansas law, both moms have the right to change their minds about adoption for up to 10 days after the baby is born. That is when you must make a firm decision about whether to parent the child or to relinquish the child for adoption. That’s too late to wait to meet families.
Beginning your adoption journey earlier has many advantages:
- You can meet several families and make a confident decision about which one you prefer.
- You can work out the details of an open adoption plan if that’s what you want.
- You’ll have support through your pregnancy and the adoption.
- The would-be adoptive parents are allowed to help with the costs of pregnancy.
- You won’t feel a need to delay medical care for you and the baby.
- There will be time to complete all the legal tasks before the baby goes home with the new family.
- You will not have the stress of uncertainty at a time when you need to feel strong and calm.
But that doesn’t mean that you won’t have doubts about your decision. Many expectant moms feel less sure on some days than on others. Only about 2% of moms change their minds and decide to parent their babies themselves, but as many as 25% feel uncertain at some point.
That’s fine. You are allowed to change your mind.Your adoption professional should provide or help you find counseling to make sure that you can make your best decision. There should never be pressure on you from anyone to make one decision or another.
Meet with adoptive families
Just as your adoption professionals make sure that you understand that it is entirely your decision whether to keep your child or to choose a family to adopt, would-be adoptive parents learn from their adoption professionals that birth moms have a right to change their minds. Most adoptions work out, but some fail, and all the people involved are aware of this.
You should feel free to meet with would-be adoptive parents and see how you feel about it. Often, birth moms who have some uncertainties will feel more confident about adoption once they meet a family they feel connected to.
What if they help you?
We see many families in which the birth mom becomes a valued part of the extended family. Arkansas law allows adoptive parents not only to get to know and love their adoptive child’s mom, but also to help her with medical expenses, rent, and other costs associated with her healthy pregnancy. It’s natural, when someone is providing that kind of help and support for you, to feel that you owe them something in return.
You may owe them thanks and gratitude. You don’t owe them a baby. The law is very clear: babies cannot be bought and sold. Adoptive parents cannot give you anything that can be interpreted as payment for a baby. They give you help and support, and they hope that the baby you carry will be part of their family. That’s all.
If you are expecting a family or individual to adopt your child, you are free to accept their help and support. If you change your mind, that is your right.
Don’t hesitate
Go ahead and meet would-be adoptive parents. Be honest with them: if you haven’t decided, you should say so. Talk with them and imagine your child in their loving family. When you’re ready to make a decision, let the family you’ve chosen know what you’ve decided.
Call Heimer Law with any questions you may have about adoption. There’s no obligation and no pressure, but you will get honest, informed answers to your questions. Call us at (479) 225.9725 or use the contact form below.
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