Reality TV — love it, hate, or never think about it, you can’t deny that it’s an important part of modern American culture. Nearly 80% of American adults watch reality TV, with almost a third of us watching every day. So when adoption comes up in a reality TV show story line, it can prompt greater awareness in millions of people. In season 4 of the reality TV show “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives,” Liann, the mother of cast member Taylor, opens up during a vulnerable confessional interview. She admits that she sometimes wonders if Taylor’s life would have been better had she chosen to place her for adoption. Although expectant moms considering adoption worry that they might regret a decision to place their child with an adoptive family, they don’t always realize that they might regret making a different choice.
Do birth moms who choose adoption regret that choice? Research shows that women who make the choice freely usually know that they made the right decision. Feelings of grief and uncertainty are common though usually temporary, and some feel regret that they needed to make that choice, but most know that it was the best choice for their baby.
Do birth moms who choose to parent regret their choice? Yes, it often becomes clear that this was not the best choice for the mom or the baby. A pregnancy may come into a woman’s — or a girl’s — life at a time when she truly is not able to provide a safe, loving, stable home for a baby. Seeing that child growing up without basic needs being met can be heart-breaking.
The difference
Fortunately, a birth mom who chooses to parent and later realizes that she has made a mistake can fix that mistake. An older child can be adopted by a loving family.
In the reality TV show situation, the child is now in her 30s. It’s too late for the mom to change her mind. For many birth moms, though, the regret about not placing their child for adoption comes up earlier in life. Seeing her child in an abusive situation…going without food or clothing…growing up seeing harmful life choice patterns…These experiences can give a loving mom a message that she’s not in a good place in her life to parent her child. That may be her reality, not reality TV.
A supportive adoption professional can help find an adoptive family for the child. Call Heimer Law with your questions. Without judgement or commitment, we’ll answer your questions about adoption honestly.
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