Social media is an essential part of modern life. If you usually share your lunch and your daily workout, it may seem completely natural to share your adoption journeys with your friends on Facebook and Instagram. Before sharing your adoption journey on social media, there are some things you should think about.
Social media is permanent
Although some social media is temporary, most of your posts live forever online. Before you post something about your child or your plans, imagine how your child will feel reading it in 12 or 15 years.
There are likely to be changes and adjustments in the course of your adoption journey, Before you make a public announcement, consider how you will feel if you have to take it back publicly in the future.
Fads and fashions change over time, too. As of this writing, there’s a fashion for talking about the day an adoption is finalized using the phrase “Gotcha Day” — but we’d predict that this usage will be a little bit cringe in a few years. Something that seems cute right now might not stand the test of time.
All these examples point to one thing: be aware of the long-term effects of anything you post. A social media comment may feel the same as an offhand remark to a friend, but that’s not the reality.
Social media is public
Bear in mind that people who see your posts can also share them with others. You may be confident that only your friends and family see what you post, but there’s a reason the word “viral” is used in social media. Between social media algorithms that show public posts to strangers and friends who share posts with the people they know, you could end up with a larger audience than you realize.
On most social media platforms, you can set up a private page or account, or a shared family page or group page that can only be seen by members. Make sure you know how to do this — get help if you’re not sure. Usually, you should assume that anything you post will be visible to everyone.
Is it social or advertising?
Bear in mind that using social media to share your desire to find a baby to adopt can be considered advertising for a baby. In some states, this is illegal.
Arkansas allows people who want to adopt to advertise and to use social media to find a baby to adopt. If you live in another state, check the legal requirements for your jurisdiction.
Setting boundaries
Consider including social media boundary agreements in your adoption plan. How would you feel about an expectant mother’s pregnancy pictures being shared? What about pictures of the baby before the adoption is finalized? How about that photo of the birth parents and baby with the adoptive parents? what about social sharing of photos of the child sent to the birth mother later on? Or posts naming the birth or adoptive parents? Any of these might bring up privacy issues.
Agreeing ahead of time to the boundaries of posting on social media can ward off conflicts and distress in the future. Then share the ground rules with close friends and family who might otherwise casually post or comment something indiscreet. An excited grandparent could post something like, “Here’s our new grand baby. Thank you, Bridget, for giving this wonderful gift to our daughter and son in law!” If you don’t share the boundaries you’ve set, the people you know and love won’t know about them.
Enjoy your online community
Many families enjoy sharing news and photos of their children. once the adoption is finalized, adoptive families can make their own decisions about how to use social media in their lives. Every family makes different decisions about these issues. We hope our tips help you enjoy your online community without regrets!