There was a time when adoptive parents tried to keep adoptions secret. They might not even tell their child. They might choose a child with a physical resemblance to their own children and avoid discussions about any details. That was the bad old days. Now adoptions are usually a clear cause for celebration. But that doesn’t mean that your child’s background is always part of every conversation. So should you tell the school that your child is adopted?
Why not?
Sometimes adoptive parents hesitate to mention this fact, knowing that there is still occasionally stigma about adopted children. They may also want to avoid suggesting that one of their children is different from the others or should be treated differently.
The benefits
If there are any differences in your child’s needs, they should be disclosed to the school. For example, if your adopted child has a genetic condition or needs extra support because of early experiences, the school should have this information.
Also, knowing that your child is adopted can help teachers to keep in mind that families are diverse. Many kindergarten classrooms do a unit on family life, of example, and teachers may focus on biological nuclear families without considering the different ways that people grow their families. A reminder that one of the children in the class has a different experience can help that teacher think more broadly — because, realistically, chances are good that many children in the class have a different experience. That reminder is a good thing for everyone.
How to bring it up
It’s a good plan to share the information at the beginning of the school year. During open house can be a good time. Consider giving the teacher a book about adoption for the classroom library. You might also share your family tree or positive language about adoption.
If your adopted child is older — or as your adopted child becomes older — he or she can make the decision and share the information. A younger child can also be involved in the conversation, either before meeting the teacher or in the meeting.