Arkansas law requires that schoolchildren have instruction in Adoption Awareness. One of the topics they will study is how to talk about adoption — what kind of words to use when discussing this beautiful life choice. Does it really matter what kind of language we use when talking about adoption?
Why talk about adoption?
There was a time when adoption was seen as a very private subject, something people didn’t discuss. Fortunately, attitudes have changed. Talking about adoption freely helps people become aware of this option and understand its value. Conversations about adoption help dispel myths and improve public awareness and attitudes about adoption.
The truth is, many families are affected by adoption in one way or another. Greater knowledge and understanding on this subject ius beneficial for all of us.
Respect
Talking about adoption thoughtfully and respectfully requires an understanding of evolving language and the impact of outdated terms. The words we use can shape perceptions and perpetuate harmful stereotypes, so choosing inclusive and accurate language is crucial for fostering a positive and supportive environment for adoptive families and individuals. It’s not just about being “politically correct”; it’s about recognizing the lived experiences of those involved in adoption and demonstrating respect for their journeys.
One key area where language has shifted significantly is in the description of the adoptive family. Phrases like “real parents” or “biological parents” imply that adoptive parents are somehow less legitimate, creating a hierarchy that diminishes the love, commitment, and legal bonds that adoptive families share. Instead, it’s more accurate and respectful to use terms like “birth parents,” “original parents,” or “biological parents” when referring to the individuals who conceived the child, and simply “parents” when referring to the individuals raising the child, regardless of how the family was formed. The focus should be on the parent-child relationship, not the biological connection. Similarly, the term “natural parents” is outdated and should be avoided, as it implies that adoptive parents are somehow “unnatural,” which is simply untrue.
Another outdated and potentially offensive term is “adopted child.” While technically accurate, it can emphasize the child’s status as adopted, potentially making them feel different or set apart. It’s generally preferable to simply say “child” or “son/daughter,” just as you would refer to any other child in a family. The fact of adoption is part of their story, but it shouldn’t define them. Additionally, terms like “my adopted child” can inadvertently create a sense of ownership, when the focus should be on the loving parent-child bond. It’s more respectful to say “my child” or “my son/daughter.”
Giving up?
The term “given up for adoption” can also be hurtful, as it implies that the birth parents willingly relinquished their child without any emotional struggle or complex circumstances. It often carries a negative connotation of abandonment or rejection. More sensitive alternatives include “placed for adoption,” “made an adoption plan,” or “chose adoption.” These phrases acknowledge the difficult decision birth parents make, out of love and a desire to provide the best possible future for their child. It’s important to remember that placing a child for adoption is often a deeply personal and complex decision, made under challenging circumstances.
Talking about adoption with children also requires careful consideration of language. Avoid using phrases like “your real parents are out there somewhere,” as this can be confusing and upsetting for a child who has already formed a loving bond with their adoptive parents. Instead, focus on celebrating their adoption story and emphasizing the love and intentionality that brought them into their family. Explain adoption in age-appropriate terms, acknowledging the birth parents’ role in the child’s life while emphasizing the permanence and security of their adoptive family.
Power
Why does all this matter? Because language has power. The words we use can either validate and affirm the experiences of adoptive families and individuals, or they can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and create feelings of otherness. By choosing inclusive and respectful language, we create a more welcoming and understanding environment for everyone involved in the adoption process. It demonstrates respect for the complex emotions and experiences of birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted individuals. It also helps to normalize adoption as another wonderful way to build a family, fostering a sense of belonging and acceptance for adopted children. Ultimately, thoughtful language reflects a commitment to treating all families with dignity and compassion.
Are you considering adoption, either as an adoptive parent or as a birth parent? Heimer Law will answer your questions and walk with you throughout your adoption journey. Use our simple contact form to begin the conversation.
Inquiry Form