Spring Break is coming up in Arkansas, and many families plan to travel, whether it’s a road trip to a ski resort or a flight to the Caribbean. If you’ve grown your family through adoption this year, are there any special concerns about traveling with your adopted child?
Paperwork
If you’re traveling overseas, your child will need his or her own passport. Apply with the State Department. You will need to provide evidence that you are the child’s parent. This can be the new birth certificate with your name as the parent(s), or the adoption decree.
Even if you’re traveling within the United States, it’s not a bad idea to bring along your child’s birth certificate and adoption decree. Especially if you and your child have different last names, having the right documents on hand can speed up any awkward moments. Officials, including police officers, border patrol officers near the borders, or TSA officers, have broad leeway to ask questions when they suspect that there is something amiss. If there has been a child abduction in the area, they are especially likely to be cautious. Make your life easy by having proof of parentage with you when you travel.
If for some reason you must travel before the adoption is finalized or before you receive the paperwork, get a letter from your adoption professionals explaining the situation. It’s generally better to wait until you have everything finalized.
Upheaval
Especially if you’ve adopted an older child, travel can be challenging. Even the most relaxing vacation can be disruptive, since it will be different from the routine you’ve established for your child. And it is possible that a trip will bring up difficult experiences or memories for your child. It may not be possible to predict how or when this could happen, but being aware of the possibility allows you to think about possible responses to the experience.
One common example is smelling a scent that brings up a memory. The part of the brain that is in charge of scents, the olfactory bulb, has direct connections to the hippocampus, which is all about memory. It also has direct connections to the amygdala, which is crucial for emotions. Because of this direct link, smells can trigger strong emotional memories more readily than other senses. Walking by a plant which happened to grow in your grandmother’s garden can suddenly send you back to your grandmother’s house, with all the emotions that brings up for you.
Many of us have had this experience when the scent of oranges makes us suddenly feel like Christmas or the smell of coconut takes us back to summer by the swimming pool. It’s often a happy experience. But for children who have had a rough time in the past, it can be a sudden ambush by frightening or unhappy memories.
Kids who have experienced upheaval in their lives so far may feel anxious about traveling. They may worry that they will get lost or that you will leave them behind somewhere along the way. This is one reason that a piece of common advice for adoptive families is to wait for a year before taking your child on a trip. At that point, your child will be accustomed to the new family and you will be accustomed to your new child.
Communication
Travel with children can be challenging, no matter what the circumstances. Open communication about plans can help. Before the trip, talk about where you are going. Look at maps and photos of your destination. Talk about the way you plan to travel and where you plan to stay. Set some ground rules and expectations.
At the same time, it pays to be flexible. Enjoying the time together can be more important than sticking with a planned itinerary.
Researchers have discovered that the anticipation and memories of travel are often the best parts. During the travel, there will doubtless be delays, problems, and meltdowns. The time spent getting ready and thinking about all the fun you’ll have and the time looking through photos and remembering all the fun you had can be the best parts. With that fact in mind, take time to snap some photos, choose a special souvenir, and talk about what everyone enjoyed the most.