Open adoptions are now the norm in the United States as a whole, and certainly in Arkansas adoptions as well. In an open adoption, the biological parents and adoptive parents know each other’s identities, meet, and agree on a plan which usually involves continued contact between the child and the birth mom. There is a wide range of open adoption plans, ranging from a photo and letter once a year to something much more like adopting a family.
Adopting a family
An Arkansas adoption is a legal relationship between one or more children and an adult or a married couple. Sometimes adoptive parents will adopt siblings or even a minor and her baby. In such cases, the adoptive family includes two or more people who have a biological relationship as well as the parents who have legal relationships with one another and all the kids, some of whom may also be the biological kids of the parents. Whew! This kind of arrangement is more complicated to describe than it really is.
But open adoption arrangements can also include welcoming birth parents and their extended families into your extended family. We’ve seen cases in which the birth mom becomes a valued member of the new adoptive family.
How does that work?
Birth dads
In Arkansas. biological fathers do not have automatic parental rights. If the birth mom and the adoptive parents agree, however, birth dads can be part of the open adoption plan. One small study found that the men in this situation found their involvement in their child’s lives beneficial for themselves and the children.
At the same time, there can be issues of safety and comfort, especially for the birth mom. It’s essential to have frank conversations with the birth mom about her experiences and her feelings.
It’s also worth noting that inconsistent contacts, especially no-shows or other kinds of disappointments, can introduce feelings of being rejected into a situation that didn’t include them before. Stories of birth moms who don’t follow through on their planned contacts abound; birth dads may show the same behavior.
Siblings
For adoptive children with biological brothers and sisters, being parted from their siblings can be traumatic. If it’s possible to keep siblings together, it can be a good choice. When there are biological siblings who still live with the biological parent or parents, an entirely new set of emotions can come in. This can also be true if there are siblings left in foster care.
On the other hand, infant adoption can involve a child who does not have any awareness of brothers or sisters, and the birth mom may prefer to keep it that way. If possible, include plans for sibling contact in the open adoption plan.
Grandparents
The biological grandparents of an adopted child may be heartbroken at the perceived loss of their grandchild. However, just as with biological dads, there may be good reasons that these relatives are not parenting the child. A history of substance abuse, violence, or incarceration may convince an expectant mom that her parents are not the right people to bring up her child. It makes sense to respect that conviction.
Especially if the adopted child already has a relationship with biological grandparents, though, it can be a kindness to include them in the open adoption plan. It can also increase the child’s sense of heritage and identity, and provide family medical information for the adoptive parents.
Make a plan…with boundaries
There may be advantages to extending your family circle to include other family members related to your adopted child. On the other hand, it’s important to be honest with yourself about how much connection you’re willing to have. Wanting to add a child to your family may not be the same as adding multiple adults and kids.
Equally, the expectant mom or biological parents may have good reasons for choosing your family for their child — and not their own biological families. It’s important to respect that.
And, as always, there best interests of the child are the most important consideration.
The best approach is to clearly define the limits of the connections with the child’s biological family, keeping the child’s needs first but considering the adults’ preferences as well.
Do you need help with this tricky situation? Heimer Law specializes in adoption and can walk with you throughout your adoption journey.
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