If you have an unplanned pregnancy and are considering adoption, there is one decision that needs to be made fairly early in the process: do you want contact with your child?
There are many reasons that a woman might decide that she is not able to parent the child she is expecting. Placing the child with a loving adoptive family is a solution for many of these women. For some women who make this decision, their goal for adoption is to put this chapter of their lives behind them and move on. They may not want to be reminded of this life event. Placing the child with another family allows them to close the door on something stressful and difficult, to make a clean break, and to move on from that point. There is nothing wrong with this approach. Once the adoption takes place, the birth mother is no longer legally related to the child, and she can return to the path she had intended to take before the pregnancy.
Other expectant moms know they are not ready to parent, but they continue to think of themselves as mothers and to think about the child they placed for adoption. They feel confident about the decision they made, but they also want to know how the child is doing and to remain in contact. They’d like to keep the option open to establish a relationship with their adult son or daughter or to send birthday cards to the growing child.
Arkansas empowers birth moms
In Arkansas, birth mothers have the right to choose between an open adoption or a closed adoption. In a closed adoption, the identity of the child’s birth parents is confidential. The adoptive parents may have some information about the child’s family health history, but no identifying information needs to be shared.
In an open adoption, the birth mother and the adoptive family work out a plan for continued contact. This could mean that the adoptive family sends an annual photo to the birth mother or her lawyer. It could also mean that she is invited to family birthday parties and holiday celebrations and encouraged to get together with the child through FaceTime on a regular basis.
Either way, the birth parents and the adoptive parents both get choices. If you want to maintain contact with the child in the future, you can choose an adoptive family that also wants an open adoption. If you want a closed adoption, you will choose a family that is comfortable with that option.
How to decide
It can be difficult to make this decision. After all, you’re not just thinking about the present, when you know you are not ready to parent a child. You also have to imagine your future self. In 18 years, if your adult son or daughter wants to meet you, will you be curious? How can you be sure?
Researchers into happiness have found that most of us are not very good at guessing what a future self will want. We’re not very good at predicting what will make us happy in the future. Fortunately, there is a method that has a great track record: checking what has made other people in the same situation happier. The National Institutes of Health reports that a scientific study of adoptions showed that open adoptions led to less worry for birth moms and to happier outcomes overall. Other studies found that birth parents and adoptive families alike were statistically more likely to want increased contact over time.
Is the decision permanent?
In a closed adoption, neither side of the equation has much information. It may not be possible to make contact in the future. In an open adoption, though, the adoption plan is not set in stone. A birth mom who decides that she doesn’t want to continue having contact with the child can just say so. The agreement can be changed. Equally, a birth mom who has agreed to receive an annual photo can reach out to the adoptive family and ask for more contact.
Adoptive parents can also renegotiate the agreement. There’s some flexibility built into the arrangements.
For these reasons, it may be better to opt for an open adoption if you’re not sure which way you want to go. However, it can be helpful to talk with a qualified counselor for help with making this important decision.
Are you pregnant and considering adoption? We can answer your questions. Reach out to Heimer Law. We offer a free, no-commitment conversation, and we’re here to help.
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