The adoption journey can take months or even years, and there are many points along the way when it its completely normal and reasonable to feel anxiety. You might be nervous about a home study appointment. You may start wondering –what if the birth parents change their minds? You might feel stressed about finances or paperwork. These feelings aren’t red flags or big problems, but they can provoke anxiety. Here are some suggestions for coping with anxiety during your adoption journey.
Body
Regular exercise Regular aerobic or resistance exercise can reduce anxiety symptoms, improve sleep, lower stress, and provide a sense of control over your circumstances. It’s also a good investment in your health for the rest of your life. If exercise is new to you, start A brisk 10- to 20-minute walk most days is enough to boost your mood — and can even be more useful than an ambitious plan that becomes another source of pressure. Choose an activity you can maintain—walking, cycling, swimming, dancing, strength training, or active gardening—and treat consistency as the goal rather than intensity.
Healthy habits Responding to anxiety with unhealthy choices like increasing caffeine, sugar, or alcohol consumption can make you feel more anxious. Make the effort to choose healthy foods. Take up a regular bedtime and a soothing evening routine. You’ll be glad you did once you’re a parent! Use your journal (we’ll talk about that in a minute) to help you notice areas of your daily life that could be improved by a change of habit, and focus on one habit at a time. Put the energy you’ve been using for fretting to take up a positive new habit.
Mind
Journaling Write down your concerns, as well as the wins and things you’re grateful for. A couple of sentences a day will make a difference. You will also have a record of the things you feel anxious about. You can look back and identify things you can control, like making progress on that paperwork, as well as things you can’t. Put energy into fixing issues you control, rather than worrying about things you can’t. You’ll also be better able to identify and remember the things you want to ask your adoption professional or your doctor.
Reframing It would be nice if we could just tell ourselves to quit being anxious and feel free of that anxiety. In real life, we don’t usually have that much control over our brains. However, it is possible to look at things differently. Instead of worrying, “What if she changes her mind about placing the baby with us?” you can think, “If she changes her mind about placing the baby with us, we will have other opportunities.”
Spirit
Practice relaxation Mindfulness-based stress reduction teaches attention to the present moment and conscious relaxation. Meditation, stretching, deep breathing, attention to classical music, or a hot bath might help you relax and turn away from anxious thoughts. There are many different practices. One is to sit calmly with your eyes close, visualizing a line of sailboats on a river. When a “What if —?” worry comes to mind, put it on a sailboat and watch it sail away down the river.
Prayer For many people, spiritual practices like prayer are a powerful alternative to anxiety. Talk with your spiritual leader or join a support group if you need guidance in making this kind of practice a part of your life.
Anxiety can feel very unpleasant, but remember that your worries are just thoughts. Paying more attention to your physical surroundings or events that are actually taking place can help move anxiety of the front burner and allow you to enjoy your adoption journey more. Heimer Law specializes in adoption, and we can help answer your questions and concerns.
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