Some people do not want children in their lives, but many of us grow up wanting and planning for a family. When it’s time to stop just wanting a family and start growing your family, adoption may be your first choice.
Why you might choose adoption
Infertility is one possible reason for deciding to adopt.
It’s not the only one. Here are some of the reasons researchers list for making the decision to grow a family by adoption:
- Providing a permanent home for a child is a common reason, often connected with religious or ethical beliefs.
- Concern for the environment can lead people to choose to parent a child who needs a home rather than bringing more children into the world.
- Preferring to parent an older child is a strong reason, especially for people who have waited to grow their families and want to avoid being elderly when their kids are teens and young adults.
- Single adults and same-gender couples may not have or want the option of biological parenthood.
- Health risks associated with pregnancy, especially for older women or people with certain health conditions, can be a good reason to choose adoption first.
- Concerns about inherited conditions can make biological parenthood unwise.
- People may not want to experience pregnancy but still yearn to be parents.
Notice that we’re not offering percentages. One of the firmest conclusions from these studies is that the reasons people have for making adoption their first choice are very individual. There are some reasons that are more common, but no typical path.
Coping with other people
It’s hard to believe, but here are some of the things people hear when they choose to adopt:
- “Can’t you have kids of your own?”
- “Did you give up?”
- “Have you tried IVF?”
Actually, people planning to adopt hear these things regardless of their circumstances. Do you already have biological children? Have you spent tens of thousands of dollars on IVF rounds and given up? Do you feel called to adopt a child in need of a home? It doesn’t matter. You will probably still hear these questions.
That doesn’t mean you have to answer them. “I’d rather not say” is a perfectly good answer, and so is, “We’re so excited to be on this journey. Thank you for asking.” One or the other of these responses should work for all those queries, and you can just keep saying it until they give up. Miss Manners says so.