The Heimer Law website provides plenty of good advice about what you need to know and do when you adopt a child. Those are the do’s. But there are also some don’ts. There are some mistakes which are easy to make, but are bound to cause your adoption journey to be choppier than it needs to be. So here are four bad moves in the adoption process:
Neglecting the expectant birth mom
You are asking someone to trust you to raise her child. Let her see why she is making a good decision. Invest time and attention in her because she deserves it and it will make for a less bumpy ride.
Certainly, respect and empathy are paramount. Adoptive parents must understand that the birth mother is making an incredibly selfless and difficult decision. Her journey is unique and complex, filled with a mix of emotions including grief, love, fear, and hope. Approaching her with genuine compassion, listening without judgment, and honoring her choices are foundational to building a healthy relationship. This means recognizing that she is not “giving up” her baby, but rather making a loving plan for her child’s future.
Practical support can significantly alleviate stress for an expectant birth mother. This often includes assistance with pregnancy-related expenses, as permitted by Arkansas law. This might cover medical bills, transportation to appointments, maternity clothing, or even some living expenses like rent or groceries. It’s important that any financial support is transparent, legal, and managed through the adoption professionals to avoid any perception of coercion. Beyond financial aid, practical support could involve offering rides to appointments, helping with errands, or simply being available for a friendly conversation or a meal. These gestures, no matter how small, can make a meaningful difference in her daily life.
Failing to communicate with your attorney or agency
If you run into a complication or if you feel unprepared for any part of the process, stop what you’re doing and call! Adoption is not a do-it-yourself process. Adoption professionals have traveled upon these wild waters long enough to know how to navigate them, so let us know when you see a wave approaching.
Not only can working closely with your attorney keep you from causing yourself problems, it can also keep you from experiencing undue stress. If you find yourself wondering “what if” or feeling uncertain about a course of action, check in and let us help.
Failing to plan ahead to get all documents in order
Adoption involves lots of documents. Some are things you may need to track down and others are forms you’ll need to fill out. There are also documents you’ll receive and then will need to keep track of. So plan some time for focusing on documents and get them ready as early as possible. Don’t let the paperwork get in the way of what you came for.
One of the most effective strategies is to establish a dedicated physical filing system. This typically involves one or more sturdy binders or expandable file folders. Within these, create clearly labeled tabs or sections for each category of document. Common categories might include these:
- “Personal Identification” (birth certificates, driver’s licenses, passports)
- “Financial Records” (tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements)
- “Medical Records” (physical exams, immunization records)
- “Background Checks” (FBI, state, child abuse registries)
- “Home Study Documents” (references, autobiographical statements, home inspection reports)
- “Legal Forms” (consent forms, petitions)
- “Agency Correspondence”
It is absolutely vital to keep original documents in a secure, fireproof location and only submit or use copies for applications. Each document should be hole-punched and filed immediately upon receipt to prevent misplacement.
Complementing the physical system with a robust digital organization method offers an excellent backup and easy accessibility. Create a dedicated folder on your computer’s hard drive, and within that, create subfolders mirroring the categories of your physical filing system. Scan every physical document into its respective digital folder. When saving new documents received electronically, place them directly into the correct folder. Implement a consistent naming convention for all digital files. For example, you might name a file “Smith-John-BirthCertificate-1985.pdf” rather than “0b7e7e5b-b1df.pdf”. This makes searching for specific documents much faster.
Use cloud storage services like Google Drive, Dropbox, or Microsoft OneDrive for an off-site backup, ensuring your documents are safe even if your computer experiences an issue. Always use strong passwords and enable two-factor authentication for added security on cloud accounts.
Trying to control a process that is out of your control
There are many factors in the adoption process that you can’t control. What can be controlled is how you react to the changing tide.
“You’ll never catalog every drop of water in the sea or wrest control from tempests, so don’t be distracted by the endless mysteries and terrors of the abyss. Instead, focus on the simple, vital task of rowing your boat,” says modern Stoic philosopher Phil Van Treuren. There are plenty of steps in he adoption process, and it makes sense to focus on taking those steps more than on the many possibilities that you cannot control.
Contact Heimer Law for more information about the adoption process in the Natural State.