Choosing to grow your family through adoption is a big decision. You may have been thinking about it for months or even years before you made up your mind. Your adoption journey may have involved infertility or other medical concerns, special needs among friends or family, a growing awareness of the philosophical reasons adoption can be an ethical or socially responsible choice, or just the happenstance of meeting and falling in love with a child who needs a home. Congratulations on making the decision! No you must be wondering, who should I tell that we’re trying to adopt?
On the one hand…
Some folks say that you should tell as many people as possible. If you are hoping to adopt a newborn, letting everyone know can increase your chances of finding an expectant mom who needs a stable, loving home for her child. The extreme form of this is advertising for a match. There are other routes, though. Asking for support in your church or other social groups or posting on social media are other ways to spread the word.
Telling people you know that this is your goal can also help you build your support network. Friends can help you connect with experienced adoptive parents and trustworthy adoption professionals. People you know may be aware of resources you don’t know about. If you’re thinking about adoption fundraising, this is a good way to begin.
A heads-up can also help people understand demands on your schedule, changes in your budget, and even the emotional rollercoaster you may be going through on your adoption journey. Friends and family and even your employer or coworkers may wonder about changes in your priorities if they don’t know what you’re working toward.
Being open about your decision can also help to normalize adoption and erase the lingering stigma and discomfort that you may still encounter. Sharing your experiences can encourage others, help women with unplanned pregnancies realize that adoption is a safe choice, and increase general adoption awareness. It can also help establish from the beginning that you plan to open about adoption with your child so that you don’t have to deal with anyone’s attempts to be discreet about something that doesn’t need to be hidden.
On the other hand…
Adoption may feel like a private choice. If you wouldn’t tell people that you were trying to conceive a baby, you may not want to talk about trying to adopt a baby.
Adoption can also be a long process with a lot of ups and downs. Telling everyone you know can mean having to explain disappointments as well as celebrating milestones. People who support you through a matching process and a pregnancy may be devastated if the adoption doesn’t become final.
Especially on social media, making your plans public can bring you lots of support and kind thoughts. It can also bring intrusive questions, unwelcome advice and judgements, and even contact from scammers.
It’s up to you
You can get the best of both worlds by telling your inner circle of close friends and family first. Gradually expand that circle as you feel comfortable. Either approach has its pluses and minuses. Be aware of the pros and cons before you make your decision.
Questions about adoption? Heimer Law specializes in adoption. We have the training and experience to answer your questions fully, without pressure or obligation.
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